Ben Silverman sits in his office in a chair that's made of real gold. He wears the finest silks and sips from a diamond chalice. A loop of Ugly Betty and The Office airs on a 200 in. flat-screen TV on the wall.
Ben: Being Ben Silverman is delightful! Oh Joan!
Christina Hendricks enters
Christina: For the last time Mr. Silverman, that's a character I play. My name is Christina Hendricks. I'm an actor. I'm here to audition for a part on The Off-
Ben: Joan, bring me more Yoo-Hoo! Ben Silverman is thirsty! And see if my 1:30 is here.
Christina: You don't understand! I'm not your secretary! NBC can't afford a secretary for you because your highest rated show this season was the Barack Obama infomercial.
Ben: That will be all Joan.
Christina: Arrrgh!
Christina Hendricks exits. As she leaves, she passes Tina Fey
Tina: Hey Big Ben! What can I do for you?
Ben: Ah Tina. Thanks for coming. Sit down.
Tina looks around for a place to sit down, but there's only one chair
Tina: I'll just stand. So, I was wondering if I could talk to you about increasing 30 Rock's budget. We have this awesome joke where Tracy throws Kenneth and Keith Olbermann out of the 32nd story window, but they land on a giant bounce house-
Ben: Yeah, that's gold! But listen, Tina. Times are tough here at NBC. (Sips from diamond chalice) We can only do Green Week so many times before people realize that we're just keeping the lights off 16 hours a day to save electricity costs.
Tina: But you've got this massive TV screen that shows nothing but Ugly Betty and The Office.
Ben: BEN SILVERMAN DOESN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO YOU!!!
Tina: Okay, I-
Ben: THOSE ARE THE TWO BEST AND MOST ORIGINAL SHOWS ON TV AND GUESS WHO CAME UP WITH THEM??? DID YOU???
Tina: No, I think they were created in other countries by-
Ben: THAT'S RIGHT. BEN SILVERMAN DID. (A pause while Ben collects himself. He sips from his chalice) Aaah. That's better. Now Tina, no offense, but your show's going downhill fast. We at NBC need winners. Shows like Lipstick Jungle and My Own Worst Enemy. Now, while your show hasn't come anywhere near those two masterpieces, its not bad. I just think there are a few improvements we can make.
Tina: Well, we tried putting guest stars in every episode like you said, but I think that's-
Ben: Don't worry about that anymore. I've got a new idea that reflects that Silverman-genius that has become the standard here at NBC. YOU CAN COME IN NOW!
A panel on the wall lifts up as steam from dry ice pours out. Strobe lights begin flashing and out comes Sarah Palin
Tina: Oh no.
Sarah: Oh yes you sexist Northeastern liberal. I'm back!
Tina: I didn't realize you had left.
Ben: Now, Tina. Ben Silverman has been thinking. And he has decided to add Sarah Palin to the cast of 30 Rock.
Tina: What!?! This is ridiculous? You can't tell us what to do.
Ben: Shut up! I tricked you into adding all that sweet, sweet product placement, didn't I? How else was I going to pay for this chalice. (Sips from chalice)
Tina: Well, I'm drawing a line here. There's no way I'm putting Sarah Palin on my show.
Sarah: Now, let's just calm down and enjoy some of these fine mooseburgers. (She winks.)
Ben: I can never say no to a mooseburger.
Tina: Sure. Whatever.
Sarah distributes the mooseburgers
Sarah: Aren't those just the most scrumptidlious things you've ever tasted? (She winks.)
Tina: These actually aren't bad.
Sarah: Tina, do you mind if we have a quick pow-wow for just an eensy, teeny tiny second. (She winks)
Tina: I guess.
Sarah approaches and gets up in Tina's grill
Tina: Governor Palin, you're kind of up in my grill.
Sarah: (Takes off her glasses and drops the folksy accent and mannerisms) Good. Now you listen to me you hipster trollop. I've spent 47 years trying to sate my unquenchable thirst for power and I almost made it. Now, I'm not about to be beaten by the likes of you.
Tina: But-
Sarah: Silence! Everything was going according to plan until you had to stick your obnoxious glasses and absurdist sense of humor into my election. We don't even look that similar!
Ben: That recurring dream I've been having for the last 3 months begs to differ.
Sarah: You ruined my career Tina Fey. So now I'm going to ruin your show. (Puts glasses and mannerisms back on) You betcha! (She winks).
Ben: That's not all. There's better news!
Tina: (wearily) What's that?
Ben: Well, Ben Silverman has not only been thinking, he's been reading. The ratings. And he's realized that people seem to love you. But they only love you when you play Sarah Palin. So starting now, Sarah is going to play Liz Lemon and you're going to play her long lost sister: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.
Tina: But that doesn't make any sense. Lorne, talk him out of it.
In the corner of the office is Lorne Michaels. He has been there the entire time. He sits in front of a giant stack of money.
Lorne: What's that? Yeah, whatever you say Ben. Sounds good. (He returns to counting his money)
Tina: Why Ben Silverman? Why?
Ben: What did I just say!?! What did I just say!?! Lorne, tell her.
Lorne: Ben Silverman doesn't have to explain himself to you.
Ben: BEN. SILVERMAN. DOESN'T. HAVE. TO. EXPLAIN. HIMSELF. TO. YOU. When you create The Office AND Ugly Betty, you can sit in my SOLID GOLD CHAIR, wear THE FINEST SILKS IN THE LAND, sip FUCKING YOO-HOO FROM A DIAMOND CHALICE, and PUT SARAH PALIN IN MY SHOWS. (He exhales loudly and takes a sip from his chalice) But until that day comes, have fun making webisodes that promote American Express with your long lost twin sister over here. Now leave. And don't let Tim Kring in here on your way out!
Tina: I bet Mitch Hurwitz never had to go through this.
Tina and Sarah exit. Ben sits down triumphantly
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